THE CHURCH - HEART BREAK - WHAT LOVE IS OR IS NOT!
Reading: Judges 16 v 1 - 22, Songs of Solomon 2 v 16 -17
To understand heartbreak, we have to understand what love
is, and is not. It takes courage to really love someone. Look at the story of Samson
and Delilah! Oh love!, what is LOVE?
What do you mean when you say you love someone? Unless you
understand what love IS or ISN'T .... You cannot fully understand what
heartbreak is or why it happens.
Can you please answer these questions below?
a) What does love look like?
b) What does it feel like?
c) What does it smell like?
d) Does it smell like cologne?
e) Where does it come from?
We have been taught that love anchors on many things such
as;
Good looking, pretty, handsome, wears fashionable clothes
and therefore cool and relevant and not embarrassing. To some this is the menu
or the bricks of love, such that when you are approached, you feel well with
your soul.
A very smart character, exciting, has a degree, his company
owns latest models of cars, speaks fluently and has a social status that you
may not at all costs want to miss. Lives in a particular neighbourhood and from
a certain NAME family, good and respectable personality. Knows how to behave
appropriately and goes to church every Sunday. Talk of the I. T. world, has a
Twitter account, SKYPE, BBM, oh!!! my word, has whatever other googlable
accounts there are. Yes, all this depicts a SELF-DIRECTED life where the self
is on the throne. All interests are directed by self, often resulting in discord
and frustration. Christ is dethroned and not allowed to direct the life.
The issue with this love scenario is that it is self-directed.
Is that what love looks like? Because if this is LOVE, when it leaves, surely
the world ends, yes I get it. If this is love, when it is gone then you have
nothing because most of what love is in this context is what we can see, yes the
"TANGIBLES" of love. This love above is based on assumptions,
harvested from family beliefs, cultural expectations, self-imposed standards
and is void of biblical principles of love. Now are you loving each other for
who you are, not what you have or where you are going or who your parents are
or status is? Why do you LOVE?
The foundation of what love should be is to be in
consultation with the Lord so that you can accept, believe and receive guidance
from God. When you pray without ceasing it is the baseline of being given what
you ask of the Lord. The problem is when we start with the self-directed life
where He is not on the throne. When He is on the throne your interests are
directed by Christ resulting in harmony with God's plan, and the self is
yielding to Christ. Indeed, when your life is Christ directed the "While
Up Time" relationships disappear, and it all becomes a burden to be in
this type of love. Christ gives you the power to prize yourself, and what kind
of love do you have? Paul puts it clear in 1 Corinthians 13 v 4 - 8:
"Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it
does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is
not easily angered, it keeps no wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but
rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes,
always perseveres. Love never fails " Therefore LOVE DOES NOT HURT on
purpose.
Prayerful thought: Lord, we seem to lack in giving each
other Agape Love. Since your love is Agape Love, please us to give each other
that kind of love too.
Day 30
THE CHURCH - HEARTBREAK - PAIN WITH PURPOSES
Readings: Psalm 53 v 2, Deuteronomy 31 v 6 - 8, Joshua 1 v
5, Hebrews 13 v 5 Judges 16 v 1 - 22, Genesis 29 v 14 - 30
A broken heart can cause such an intense reaction that you
may feel your whole life has been completely stripped of meaning. Everything
looks and feels grey and lifeless. So when you go through the day and feel a
wave of pain, it is a knot that feels permanent and then when you keep trying
to figure out what went wrong, remember that you are not alone!! No thank you
to friends, hobbies, laughter, sleep and relatives, yes you are not alone!'
As you sit with your cell-phone staring at a text message
which you wrote hours ago. You are debating whether to send it or not. You
stare at your phone while your mind tells you to have more respect for
yourself, and you even ask others' opinion whether to send it or not, then
eventually you send it. You logically understand that sending the message is
not going to make the situation any better, nor will it heal pain. Then your
heart enters the scene and over powers your mind. Your heart says, "GO
AHEAD, send it, you will feel better, yes, temporarily at last - YOU ARE NOT
ALONE!"! Keep checking your phone every five minutes, yes, YOU ARE NOT
ALONE!! You lose your appetite or you eat a lot, yes YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!
Indeed you are not alone especially when you remember that
Leah was unloved, she knew it and had children to make up for the unrequited
love. When you look for a reason to qualify yourself in a relationship, oh no,
start walking, who is so loved like Rachel? But in this scenario there is no
winner here, imagine there is Rachel here, Jacob there and Leah's situation in
the relationship you are in, yes, either way there is pain. These are the
HEART-BREAK experiences of all time. Your mind says, I deserve more, the
relationship is not right and your heart says, I deserve more, the relationship
is not right, your heart says stay, it will work out. Your mind says, why are
you still here? YOU ARE NOT ALONE!! You remained in that relationship for
longer than you should have because your heart believed that your mate and
relationship could change - YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!
For instance let us look at Samson and his infatuation with
Delilah, and consider him gullible even His lust for Delilah blinded him to her
pretence, true nature and lies. He wanted so badly to believe she loved him,
that he repeatedly fell for her deceptive ways. After a third attempt at luring
out his secret, why didn't Samson catch on? By the fourth
enticement, he crumbled. He gave in why didn't he learn? Why did he give in to
temptation and give up his treasured gift? Well, that is unreasoning state of
the heart. Before you judge him, he is just like you and me when we give
ourselves over to sin. In this state, we can easily be deceived because the
truth becomes impossible to see.
What is the healing process? Broken people perpetuate more
broken people. In order to heal, you have to acknowledge the pain, deal with
it. You see, heartbreaks need to be grieved like any loss. The problem comes
when people become macho about pain. Get past the denial, anger, blame,
bargaining and accept what it is. Pretending that everything is okay and
looking the other way is cancerous. Get past the denial stage and then:
a) RELEASE - do not get your feelings bottled up.
b) REALISE - your situation is not unique, there are people
who have been there.
c) REACH OUT - and let others reach out to you as well.
Self-pity is an option but a longer way to heal.
d) RECOGNISE - sadness as temporary surrender all to the
Lord.
e) REPLENISH/REST - eat, rest and step out to embrace the
new life and challenges. Flogging yourself out of a heart-break only makes you
physically tired and unhealthy.
f) REORGANISE - Begin a new chapter in life - move on - find
yourself - put the cross at the centre with new found confidence, love will
find you ready, armed and enlightened. Always remember good things and keep the
happy memories. Yes, it can be done - KNOW JESUS - KNOW PEACE.
Prayerful: Yes Lord, even though I may feel rejected by the
world, but you my Lord will always love me.